How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows (Without Losing Your Mind)

Your wedding vows are your heart, spoken out loud. They are the promises you make to your partner and the glimpse of your love story that you choose to share with your guests. Whether you're poetic or practical, spiritual or silly, your vows are a chance to show up as you.

And sure, you could wait until the week before and ask AI to do the heavy lifting, but the most touching vows I've ever witnessed weren't written by AI or polished like a college essay. They were the ones spoken from the heart, sometimes tearfully, sometimes between laughs, sometimes with no notes at all. Trying not to ugly cry watching that is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Anyway, the point is, most of us aren't professional writers. So, let's talk about how to actually make it happen without stress, writer's block, or frantically searching the internet for inspiration. Below are five tips for writing sincere wedding vows before your big day.

Tip #1: Start Early(ish)

Even if you're not ready to write, start collecting. Open a note on your phone and jot things down when they come to you... a moment, a phrase, something your partner says or does that makes you melt.

You'll be surprised how much builds up when you give yourself the space to notice. Those little observations, the way they make your coffee just right, the look they give you when you've about to say something out of pocket, and the gold you'll want later for when you actually sit down and write your vows.

Tip #2: Set the Mood

Writing your vows shouldn't feel like another task on your to-do list. Create an environment that helps you tap into your feelings. Maybe it's a quiet morning with coffee or a late-night glass of wine with your favorite playlist.

If you're a couple that does everything together, consider setting aside time to each write separately but in the same space. You'll both be doing something sacred... thinking about what your partnership truly means to you.

Tip #3: Don't Overcomplicate It

Vows don't need to be long or lyrical... they just need to be you! A few heartfelt sentences that capture what you love, what you promise, and how you'll show up for each other.

If it helps, think of it as answering three questions...

• What do I love most about you?

• What do I promise to bring to our marriage?

• What future am I excited to build together?

  
  

That's it! The rest is extra credit.

Tip #4: Practice Saying The Out Loud

You don't need to memorize them, but practice helps. Hearing your words out loud will show you if something feels right. Keep it natural. If you wouldn't say it in real life, skip it.

Overachievers? Record yourself reading your vows. You'll hear where you heart truly shines and that usually the part that matters most.

Tip #5: Know That There's No "Right Way"

Some couples share their vows privately before the ceremony. Others read them aloud for all to hear. Some keep it short and sweet, while others make everyone sob. The right way is your way.

Whether your ceremony is spiritual, secular, queer, traditional, bilingual or a little bit of everything, your vows are a reflection of who you are and the love you've building.

If you're feeling stuck or just want a sounding board, reach out to your support team, your wedding party, a parent, or your officiant. Helping couples put their love into words is one of my favorite parts of being an officiant. If you'd like to schedule a time to connect, we can talk through your ideas, structure your vows, or even plan how they'll fit into your ceremony flow.

Happy writing!

-The Out Officiant